"This Episode Sucks" is the third episode of Season Six. Lassiter's new relationship with a mysterious and beautiful woman is placed in jeopardy when Shawn and Gus are convinced she is the murderer responsible for the blood-drained body the SBPD is investigating.
Plot Summary[]
Lassiter is having a drink after work at a bar when he meets a woman who, curiously, already knows his name. They have an immediate mutual attraction to each other, and he takes notice of the unique necklace she's wearing. After a moment of emotional connection, she asks to be excused to use the restroom. When she doesn't return quickly, Lassiter thinks he has been stood up. Several more minutes pass, and Lassiter checks the ladies restroom to see if the woman is okay. He doesn't find her. She has disappeared, and Lassiter is devastated.
The next morning, Lassiter arrives at a crime scene where a dead body is found. He gives special orders to McNab to find his mystery woman. They go to examine the body, and Shawn sees puncture wounds on the man's jugular vein and wrist. Lassiter is then devastated by the next clue he sees on the body - the same exact Eternal Life symbol necklace thew woman was wearing at the bar. The woman he is infatuated with could be the person that murdered this man. Upon seeing the puncture wounds on the victim's wrist and neck, Shawn makes a bold proclamation that the killer was a vampire. And in a stunning turn of events, Lassiter jumps on board with Shawn's crazy theory and boldly agrees.
At the morgue, Shawn, Gus, Lassiter and Juliet are told by Woody that the body was drained of almost all its blood, thus causing the guys to further believe in their vampire theory. Juliet is the only person who isn't buying it.
Lassiter breaks off from Juliet. He heads to the jewelry store where the Eternal Life necklace was likely purchased and questions the store clerk. The store clerk says those necklaces are very popular and does not have a record of who would have purchased it. The clerk admires Lassiter's watch, causing Lassiter to take a closer look at it. In doing so, he sees a single fingerprint left behind by the mystery woman and gets an idea.
Juliet, Shawn, and Gus head to a vampire-themed bar to get the skinny on who might be the perpetrator of the blood-thirsty murder. They meet a bartender who tells them he got a strange call the week before from someone asking where they could get their hands on a pint of blood. Juliet, Shawn and Gus trace the number and are led to an address.
Meanwhile, Lassiter has identified the mystery woman as Marlowe Viccellio. She has a solid alibi for the night of the murder — she was watching Lassiter from across the street after she stood him up, admitting that she got scared. Lassiter asks to see Marlowe's jewelry box, where she reveals that she still has her Eternal Life necklace in her possession. Thus, Lassiter knows it is not the same necklace as the one found in the dead grasp of the murder victim.
Shawn, Juliet, and Gus arrive at the house, having traced the call to the vampire-themed bar from this address. They break in and are shocked to find Lassiter with Marlowe. Lassiter quickly tells them that she is innocent. Upon further investigation of the apartment, they learn that Marlowe has three male roommates — one named Lucien, a typical vampire name. They question Lucien, who explains that he was working at a miniature golf course at the time of the murder. Shawn notices a few things from the apartment: a cat litter box, a cracked mirror, and an address. Lucien tells them that those things are all in his roommate Ed's room. Ed is now a suspect. With that, they head straight to the address Shawn noticed at Marlowe's home. They arrive the address and discover it is a blood bank.
At the blood bank, Shawn, Gus, and Juliet witness a series of strange occurrences that only further support Shawn's vampire theory. Then they see a cloaked figure break into the blood bank and flee the scene, seemingly traveling at the speed of light in the process. They are unable to capture the suspect, but Shawn recognizes a jewel-encrusted nail in the debris of the break-in and immediately makes the connection that Marlowe had the exact style of fingernails. She must have been behind the break-in. Shawn realizes that Lassiter had invited Marlowe over for dinner. He, Gus, and Juliet must get to Lassiter before Marlowe sucks him dry!
They arrive at Lassiter's apartment and, sure enough, Marlowe is there with him. Shawn presents the fingernail evidence, and Lassiter plays it off, believing that the type of nail is very common in Santa Barbara. Later, at Marlowe's house, they find even more damning evidence - a bag of blood she has stored and hidden in a freezer. However, Marlowe's name is cleared from the murder when they get a call that another body has been drained of blood, but hasn't been declared dead yet. There's no way she could have done it because she was in police custody.
They all go to the hospital, where Shawn makes the connection that all of the victims have the same blood type — O negative, an extremely rare blood type — and that only about two dozen people in Santa Barbara have it. Shawn discovers a name on the O negative blood list — Adrian Viccellio, likely a relative of Marlowe's. Adrian has Van Willibrand's disease, a rare blood disorder that requires its patients to have transfusions on a regular basis. Gus figures that Adrian lost his insurance, which is why he's going around stealing blood from the people who have his blood type. When Shawn fills Juliet in on this development, she realizes a frightening piece of information - Lassiter has O negative type blood and, therefore, Adrian must be coming for his blood next.
Marlowe tries to warn Lassiter over the phone, but it's too late. Adrian arrives at Lassiter's house and lunges at him, covering his mouth with a rag drenched in chloroform. Lassiter recognizes Adrian as the salesperson from the jewelry store he visited earlier. As Adrian sets up the equipment to drain Lassiter's blood, Lassiter comes to and Adrian tells him that he was a mark at the bar — that Marlowe was supposed to drug and drain him of his blood, but she didn't because she liked him. Lassiter manages to overpower Adrian by himself just as Shawn, Juliet, and Gus show up to save him, admitting that he was able to do so because he has been building up a resistance to chloroform for the last 15 years. And with that, Adrian is taken into custody.
Later, Lassiter finds himself completely distraught about Marlowe being in jail. He visits her and tells her that despite her criminal activity, he knows that she was just trying to help her brother, and tells her that he will wait for her until she gets out.
Trivia[]
- While the title goes for the pun on vampirism and blood-draining, the guest appearances by Tom Lenk (Andrew on the final seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and Corey Feldman (Edgar Frog in the classic vampire film The Lost Boys, and the song that plays when Shawn and Gus first meet him ("Cry Little Sister") features prominently in that film) bring two famous hunters of the fanged into the mix. Kristy Swanson makes her first appearance as Marlowe and also played the original Buffy in the 1992 film Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
- When Shawn and Gus dress up to go to a vampire bar, Shawn goes as Lestat from the 1994 film Interview with the Vampire (which is based on the first book in Anne Rice's The Vampire Chronicles series; Shawn quotes a line to Juliet from the third book The Queen of the Damned, and Gus then applies this title to Marlowe during the nail confrontation) and Gus as Blacula from the 1972 blaxploitation flick Blacula (though he twice gets mistaken for Count Chocula of cereal fame).
- The first victim is called Hamilton Deane after the playwright who wrote the 1924 stage play adaptation of Bram Stoker's Dracula.
- Marlowe was probably named after Marlow Roderick of the 30 Days of Night franchise, and two of her roommates are called Eddie and Jake in a nod to Edward and Jacob of the Twilight series.
- Marlowe's ankh necklace is a reference to the 1983 vampire flick The Hunger.
- At one point Gus exclaims "Sookie is mine!" This is a repeated line from the vampire show True Blood.
- When Shawn, Gus and Juliet want Lassiter to open the door, Shawn yells "Let the right ones in, buddy!" in a nod to the 2004 Swedish vampire novel Låt den rätte komma in ("Let the Right One In") and its 2008 film adaptation.
- The commercial break fade-outs were designed to look like those from Kolchak: The Night Stalker.
- The restaurant the second victim is attacked at is called Lox, Stock and Two Smoking Bagels after the 1998 crime film Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and its location on Fletcher Street is a nod to one of the film's stars, Dexter Fletcher.
- When Lassiter opens the door to Adrian Viccellio, Adrian asks "Is Tamara home?" This is a direct quote from the 2008 horror film The Strangers that was used when anyone would answer the door so The Strangers would know if someone was home.
- Pineapple: before his date with Marlowe, Lassiter lights a candle shaped like an Mk 2 grenade, which is commonly nicknamed "Pineapple".
- Shawn tells an excited Gus "You know you weren't nearly this pumped when you thought we were chasing a werewolf," a call-back to S4E8 "Let's Get Hairy".
- This episode reveals that Lassiter's mother is a lesbian. He struggled with this at first, but came to accept it.
- The song playing in the intro is "Bullet with Butterfly Wings" by The Smashing Pumpkins.
- Shawn finds the victim and tells them to "check the neck...check the wrist." He is quoting "The People's Champ," rapper Paul Wall, from the Lil Keke song "Chunk In the Deuce'".
Gallery[]
The gallery for This Episode Sucks can be found here.
Digital Releases[]
