- "Oh God, someone give me a grappling hook."
- — Gretchen is pleased to see Buzz
Gretchen Eikleberry is the wife of Zach Eikleberry. He is many years her senior, and the two met in her freshman year of college while he was working campus security there. She often laments his lack of manliness, but her love for him has never gone away.
Zack believes she's having an affair with her colleague Derek Bagg and comes to the Psych office with it. Shawn and Gus investigate the situation and visit her at St. Thomas under the pretense of trying to find a good school for their son Joshie. Both her lustful glance at Bagg and a smiley face on her papers that Shawn also spots on a note in Derek's paper bin certainly seem to corroborate Zach's theory. However, Shawn later suddenly remembers Gretchen's comment that she sometimes helps out illiterate adults and Derek's refusal to read a memo he was given, and realizes that Gretchen wasn't having an affair with him at all but was only teaching him how to read.
When Derek shows up dead after having been beaten to a pulp, Zach is taken into custody because a threatening letter of his was found at the crime scene. Gretchen goes along with him and protests that Zach simply wouldn't be man enough to do such a thing, but it's to no avail.
Luckily, the real killer is soon found and Zach is released. Gretchen never left his side and claims she wants to reestablish what they had before, yet wants him to have a complete makeover including extensive waxing. However, her ogling of Buzz most likely means she still wants more than Zach could ever give her.