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"I am baking my cake and then frosting it and then eating it. Whale time!"
— Derek is very pleased with his job

Derek Bagg is a PE teacher at St. Thomas. He was once a promising baseball player, even winning a trophy in 1998, but had to give it all up when an ATV crash ruptured his spleen and crushed his L4 and L5 vertebrae. He considers himself lucky, though, as according to the doctor he would have been left paralyzed if he hadn't been drunk. He also states he actually quite likes his current job, as it has good hours, gives him the summers off and keeps Las Vegas only 57 minutes away.

Shawn and Gus start investigating Derek when Zach Eikleberry comes to them with the suspicion that his wife Gretchen, who also works at St Thomas, is having an affair with him. Shawn discerns a note in Derek's paper bin that seems to confirm this, as it contains the same smiley face he had previously seen on Gretchen's papers. However, Shawn later suddenly remembers Derek's refusal to read a memo he was given and Gretchen's comment that she sometimes helps out illiterate adults, and realizes that Gretchen wasn't having an affair with him at all but was only teaching him how to read.

At that moment Shawn receives a call from Brannigan, who says Derek was beaten to a pulp and died from his injuries, including fractures to his skull, ribs, kneecaps, nose and jaw. Zach is the main suspect, as Brannigan had found a threatening letter of his in Derek's office and several more at Zach's second job. Zach claims he only wrote those letters to blow off steam and would never stand a chance against "Muscles McHandsomeface" (which Gretchen agrees with), but he is nevertheless booked and placed in jail.

Shawn and Gus visit Derek in the morgue, and Gus dreams that Derek zombifies and kills Woody. After he wakes up from this nightmare, Shawn excitedly claims that he has solved Derek's murder. The golf tees from Charro Casino that were in Derek's office and his delight at being so close to Las Vegas are proof enough of his penchant for gambling, and it's clear he lied about having an old lacrosse hand injury when only moments before he had demonstrated his hands were in perfect working order by executing a set of lats. Shawn now knows that Derek had actually had his fingers broken in the meantime by the enforcer of a disgruntled bookie, who came back two days later to finish the job when Derek still hadn't learned his lesson.

The duo rush to the station, where they find out that they've once again been beaten to the punch by Brannigan, who to Shawn's dismay and wonderment had somehow figured the case out for herself and is just then bringing in Derek's murderer.

Trivia[]

  • According to his toe tag, Derek weighs 200 lbs (91 kg) and is 67" tall (1.70m).
  • He used to wear #71 while playing football and #17 while playing lacrosse.

Gallery[]

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